The Two You's: Are You an Imposter at Work or at Home?

We all do it. The alarm goes off on Monday morning, and with our first cup of coffee, we begin a subtle transformation. We put on our ‘Work Self’ like a well-tailored suit. This version of us is organised, patient, strategic, and an excellent listener. We navigate complex personalities, meet deadlines under pressure, and offer calm, rational solutions. We are, in short, a superstar.

Then, at the end of the day, we walk back through our front door and take off that suit. The ‘Home Self’ emerges. This version can sometimes be more frayed, less patient, more reactive, and easily distracted by the relentless demands of family life.

Ever stopped to ask yourself: which one is the real you?

The hard truth, from a coaching perspective, is that if there's a vast difference between who you are at work and who you are at home, one of them is an act. And that means you're lying, in a way, to the people in one of these worlds. More importantly, you're lying to yourself. This isn't about having different modes – professionalism at work, relaxation at home – it’s about a fundamental split in your personality that is exhausting you and preventing you from being your most authentic, effective self.

The solution isn't to be a corporate robot at home or a chaotic mess at work. The solution is integration. It’s about consciously taking the best parts of your 'Work Self' home and bringing the essential strengths of your 'Home Self' to work.

Bringing Your Best 'Work Self' Home

Think about the skills that make you brilliant at your job. Your family deserves to benefit from them too.

• For the Parent who is a Project Manager: At work, you’d never start a massive project without a plan, clear roles, and milestones. Yet at home, you might be trying to manage the chaos of school holidays or a family move by just reacting.

• Practical Example: Take your project management skills home. Use a shared digital calendar or a simple whiteboard for the "Family Q3 Goals." Map out chores, appointments, meal plans, and weekend activities. Hold a five-minute "stand-up" meeting on Sunday evening to align with your partner on the week ahead. You’re not running a business; you’re leading your family with clarity and purpose.

• For the Parent who is an Empathetic Leader or HR Professional: You’re trained to listen actively, ask open-ended questions, and provide constructive feedback to your team. You would never dismiss a colleague's concerns with a quick "uh-huh."

• Practical Example: When your child or partner starts talking to you, put your phone down and give them the same focused attention you’d give an employee in a one-on-one. Instead of "How was school?", try "What was the most interesting challenge you had to solve today?" or "Tell me about a time you felt really proud of yourself today." You’re not just asking questions; you’re creating psychological safety and fostering genuine connection.

• For the Parent who is Calm in a Crisis: At work, when a system fails or a client is upset, you take a deep breath, assess the situation, and focus on the solution.

• Practical Example: Your toddler has just painted the dog with yoghurt. The 'Home Self' might react with immediate frustration. Your 'Work Self' would see it as a problem to be solved. Take that same breath. Say, "Okay, this is a mess. It's not the end of the world. Let's figure out the steps to fix this together." You’re teaching resilience and problem-solving, not just reacting to a momentary crisis.

Bringing Your Best 'Home Self' to Work

This is the part we often forget. The skills you’ve honed as a parent, partner, or family member are superpowers in the workplace.

• For the Professional who is a Playful Parent: At home, you build Lego castles, invent silly games, and speak in funny voices. You are creative and don't take everything with life-or-death seriousness.

• Practical Example: Bring that sense of play into a stale brainstorming session. Use humour to diffuse a tense meeting. Your ability to be creative and light-hearted can unlock innovative solutions and build team morale in a way that a rigid, all-business approach never could.

• For the Professional who is a Nurturing Family Member: You have a sixth sense for when your child is feeling down or your partner is stressed. You excel at providing comfort, empathy, and support.

• Practical Example: Apply that nurturing instinct to your team. Genuinely ask a colleague how they are and actually listen to the answer. Notice when someone seems overwhelmed and offer to help. Celebrating a team member's personal milestone or showing compassion during a tough time builds loyalty and a positive culture far more effectively than any corporate program.

• For the Professional who is a Master of Home Logistics: You can get three kids to three different activities, make dinner, and fold laundry, all while on a tight budget. You are a master of efficiency, resourcefulness, and multitasking.

• Practical Example: Don't downplay that skill. When faced with a project with limited resources, apply that "get it done" home mindset. You know how to be scrappy and find clever workarounds. Your practical, real-world logistics experience is an incredible, often untapped, asset.

Authenticity isn’t about being the same person in every situation. It's about being the whole person in every situation. Stop living a double life. The most effective, fulfilled, and happiest you exists when the best of your work self and the best of your home self are one and the same.

Start today. Pick one skill you admire in your 'Work Self' and consciously apply it at home tonight. You might be surprised at who you become.