The Unspoken Superpower: Finding Strength in Silence
- Simon Robson
- Oct 20
- 4 min read
Our world is addicted to noise.
We are bombarded by notifications, 24-hour news cycles, and the pressure to have an instant opinion on everything. In meetings, the person who speaks first and loudest is often perceived as the leader.
In arguments, we rush to fill every pause, terrified of losing control of the narrative. We believe that speed, volume, and urgency are signs of competence and power.
But what if the greatest source of power, influence, and wisdom is found in the exact opposite? What if silence is not an absence, but a presence?
At Refresh Coaching, living ‘your life, your work, your way’ is about finding tools that provide clarity and strength.
One of the most underutilised and potent tools available to every single one of us is the strategic and intentional use of silence. It is a superpower that can transform your negotiations, de-escalate conflicts, and lead to better decisions.
Silence in a Meeting: The Power of the Pause
Picture a typical project meeting. A problem is raised. Before the sentence is even finished, three people jump in with solutions. Ideas fly, voices get louder, and the conversation quickly becomes a competition.
Now, imagine a different approach. The problem is raised, and you say nothing. You listen.
You hold the space. You let the initial flurry of chatter die down. What happens in that silence?
Others Reveal More: People are uncomfortable with silence. They will often rush to fill it, revealing more information, context, or their underlying concerns. The person who raised the problem might add, "…and the real issue behind this is that we’re worried about the budget." You just gained critical information without asking a single question.
Your Thoughts Deepen: Instead of reacting with the first idea that pops into your head, the silence gives you a moment to actually think. You can process what’s been said, consider the angles, and formulate a more thoughtful, strategic response.
Your Words Gain Weight: When you do finally speak, your words land with greater impact. You haven’t been part of the noise; you have been observing. Your contribution will be seen as more measured, considered, and authoritative. The person who speaks last, having heard all other points of view, often has the most powerful position.
Silence in an Argument: The 10-Second De-escalation
When we are in a conflict, our fight-or-flight response kicks in. We receive a verbal attack and our instinct is to retaliate instantly. This is how discussions spiral into destructive arguments.
Try this instead. The next time you are in a heated discussion and someone says something that triggers you, commit to staying silent and counting to 10 in your head before you respond. It will feel like an eternity, but it is a game-changer.
It Short-Circuits Your Primal Reaction: The 10-second buffer is just enough time for your rational brain (the prefrontal cortex) to catch up with your emotional brain (the amygdala). You move from pure reaction to considered response.
It Calms the Situation: Your silence can be disarming. The other person expects a counter-attack. When it doesn't come, it can subtly de-escalate their own aggression.
You Respond, You Don't React: After 10 seconds, you are in a position to say something constructive, like "I need a moment to process that," or "Help me understand why you feel that way," instead of the inflammatory retort that was on the tip of your tongue.
Silence in the Digital World: The 24-Hour Rule
Haste is the enemy of good judgment, especially in our digital communication. We’ve all sent an email or a text in the heat of the moment that we almost instantly regretted.
Embrace the power of the deliberate delay.
The Angry Email: You receive an email that makes your blood boil. Your fingers are itching to type a furious reply. Don't. Draft it if you must, get all the anger out, and save it. Do not send it. Wait 24 hours. When you reread your draft the next day, you will almost certainly be horrified. You will delete it and write a calm, professional response that actually solves the problem instead of creating a new one. I guarantee you will thank me for this.
The Important Decision: You’re asked to commit to a big project or make a significant decision via email. Instead of replying immediately with "Yes!", reply with, "Thank you for this. I'm going to give it some thought and will get back to you by tomorrow." This gives you the space to consider the implications without the pressure of immediacy.
Living your life, your way, means acting with intention, not on impulse.
Silence is the space where intention is born. It is the pause between stimulus and response. Master it, and you master yourself. In a world that shouts, learn to listen.
In a world that rushes, learn to wait.
You will find that silence doesn't just speak volumes; it is where true power resides.
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