Forgive Me, Don’t Be Sorry: The Power of a True Apology

Simon Robson
Oct 16
3 min read

Illustration of a hand offering a key symbolising forgiveness, representing the power of a true apology.

"Sorry!"

We say it when someone bumps into us.

We say it when we need to ask a question.

We say it when the weather is bad.

In Britain especially, the word ‘sorry’ has become a verbal tic, a space-filler, a reflex action stripped of almost all its meaning. It's often an apology for our very existence.

This habit of over-apologising doesn't just dilute the power of a genuine apology; it subtly undermines our own confidence and sense of place in the world.

At Refresh Coaching, we believe that living ‘your life, your work, your way’ involves using language with intention and power. It’s time to reclaim the apology, to transform it from a weak reflex into a powerful act of connection and accountability by swapping a tired ‘sorry’ for a potent ‘forgive me’.

The Psychology of 'Sorry' vs. 'Forgive Me'

Let's break down the dynamic.

When you say, "I'm sorry," you are making a statement about your own internal state. You are broadcasting that you feel sorrow or regret. It's a monologue.

It requires nothing from the other person and, because we use it so flippantly, it often carries very little weight. It can even be a way to shut down a conversation and force a quick resolution: "I've said sorry, now let's move on."

Now, consider the phrase, "Please forgive me," or simply, "Forgive me." This is entirely different.

It is a request, not a statement. It is a dialogue. You are actively asking the other person to do something.
It transfers the power. You are humbly placing the resolution in their hands. You are acknowledging that you have caused a hurt and that they hold the power to grant you forgiveness.
It requires vulnerability. It takes courage to ask for forgiveness because the answer could be "no." This vulnerability is what makes the act so meaningful.

When you ask for forgiveness, you are not just saying you regret your actions; you are saying, "I recognise my actions have impacted you, and I am asking you to release me from the debt I have incurred."

The Two Possible Outcomes—And Why Both Are Great

The beauty of "Forgive me" lies in its two potential outcomes, both of which are productive and empowering for you.

They Forgive You: This is the ideal outcome. They say "Yes, I forgive you." A genuine resolution is reached. The connection is repaired, and you can both move forward with a clean slate. The act of them granting forgiveness is cathartic and healing for both parties.
They Do Not Forgive You: This may feel like a failure, but it is not. It is simply information. By saying "no," or not responding, they are making a choice. You have done everything in your power to make amends. You have owned your actions, acknowledged the impact, and humbly asked for absolution. If they choose not to grant it, that decision and the emotional weight that comes with it now rests with them, not you. You have cleaned your side of the street. You have offered them the key to lock the door on the issue, and if they choose to keep it open, that is their prerogative. You are free to move on, knowing you acted with integrity.

Putting It Into Practice, Your Way

This is a powerful shift and can feel awkward at first. Start small.

The Minor Workplace Error: You accidentally sent a confusing email to your team.
- Old way: "Sorry for the confusing email everyone." (Passive, forgettable).
- New way: In the follow-up, correcting it: "My apologies for the confusion my last email caused. Please forgive the error. Here is the correct information." (Accountable, respectful).

Running Late to Meet a Friend:
- Old way: "Sorry I'm late!" (Habitual, almost meaningless).
- New way: "Thank you so much for waiting. Please forgive me for being late." (Acknowledges their time, shows genuine remorse).
A Deeper Hurt with a Loved One: You said something thoughtless in an argument.
- Old way: "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" (Defensive, dismissive).
- New way: (Once things are calm) "What I said earlier was out of line and it hurt you. There's no excuse for it. Will you please forgive me?" (Takes full ownership, is vulnerable, and opens the door for real healing).