​​The Algorithm of You: Why You Need to Listen to Your 'Enemy'

Never fear your enemy but always respect them – John Basilone

We live in a world of exquisite comfort. 

Our social media feeds, our news channels, and our streaming services are powered by sophisticated algorithms designed for one purpose: to give us more of what we already like. 

They learn that we enjoy a certain political viewpoint, a specific genre of music, or a particular style of film, and they serve us an endless, comforting buffet of the same.

​This creates an echo chamber. A warm, pleasant, and incredibly dangerous place. It validates our existing beliefs, reinforces our biases, and starves us of the one thing essential for true growth and understanding: perspective.

​At Refresh Coaching, our philosophy of ‘your life, your work, your way’ is about building a life that is robust, authentic, and genuinely your own—not one curated by a machine. To do that, you must do something that feels deeply counterintuitive: you must deliberately listen to your ‘enemy’.

​The Perceived Opposition

​‘Enemy’ is a strong word, so let’s be clear. 

We’re not talking about seeking out harmful or abusive content. We’re talking about the perceived opposition in your daily life: the political party you can’t stand, the music you dismiss as ‘noise’, the business department you see as ‘bean counters’, the family member whose life choices you just don’t understand.

​Our natural instinct is to build walls against these opposing views. 

We dismiss them, we mock them, we mute them. We do this because it’s easier. It keeps our worldview simple and our identity secure. 

But it also makes us weaker, more rigid, and less empathetic. We start to believe that our way is the only way, and that those who disagree with us are not just wrong, but are somehow less intelligent, less moral, or less worthy.

​The great irony is that we all have far more in common than what divides us. Regardless of our beliefs, we all want to feel safe, loved, and respected. We want a better future for our children. We want to feel like our life has meaning. 

The paths we take to achieve these things may differ, but the fundamental human desires are the same.

​Breaking Out of the Echo Chamber: A Practical Guide

​Deliberately seeking out opposing views is a workout for your brain and your empathy. It can be uncomfortable, but the benefits are immense. It fosters critical thinking, strengthens your own beliefs (or helps you refine them), and builds bridges of understanding in a deeply polarised world.

​Here’s how to do it, your way:

The Information Diet Swap: 

• ​The CEO: If you only read The Financial Times, spend 15 minutes this week reading a publication known for its strong pro-labour stance. Your goal is not to agree, but to understand the concerns and values that drive their arguments about the economy.

• ​The Factory Worker: If you only get your news from a pro-union tabloid, spend 15 minutes reading the business section of a broadsheet newspaper. Try to understand the pressures of market competition and profitability that executives are facing.

• ​Anyone: If you lean left politically, watch a debate from a right-leaning channel. If you lean right, listen to a podcast from a left-leaning host. Listen not to find fault, but to identify the core values they are championing. Is it freedom? Is it security? Is it community?

  
  

The Cross-Department Coffee: 

​In the workplace, we create our own echo chambers. The creative team thinks the sales team is soulless. The sales team thinks the finance team are robots who just say ‘no’.

Your Mission: This week, invite someone from a department you secretly dismiss for a 15-minute coffee. Don't talk about work projects. Ask them what they enjoy about their job. What are their biggest challenges? You might learn that the ‘bean counter’ in finance is protecting the company from risks that would jeopardise everyone’s job, including yours.

You might find common ground.

​The Cultural Exchange: 

​Think about the music, art, or films you dismiss. "I can't stand country music." "Modern art is just a scam."

​Your Mission: Spend 10 minutes engaging with it. Listen to a critically acclaimed country album on Spotify. Read the description next to a piece of modern art in a gallery. Try to find out why people connect with it. What emotion is it trying to convey? You don’t have to like it. You just have to try to understand it.

The Goal is Understanding, Not Conversion

​The purpose of this exercise is not to change your mind. It’s to enrich it. It’s to replace a caricature of your ‘enemy’ with a more complex, human picture. 

When you understand the ‘why’ behind someone’s belief, you can engage with them more productively and respectfully, even in disagreement.

​This practice makes you a better leader, a better colleague, a better parent, and a better citizen. It breaks the algorithm that keeps you small and predictable. It allows you to build a worldview that is chosen, not curated. You stop being a passive consumer of information and become an active, critical thinker.

​This is a core tenet of living your life, your way. It’s about having the courage to step outside your comfort zone to build a richer, more nuanced, and more compassionate understanding of the world around you.